Rejuventation...or... Becoming Empty Nesters

Rejuvenation...or... Becoming Empty Nesters

Today was very special. I worked with a couple you met in the book. At the time I did that work, we were struggling with how to change their home to suit their twins who were no longer toddlers They were trying to prevent a move, and use their space more efficiently. You probably will recognize the story easiest if I mention that we made the living room a music room, adding a grand piano, swivel chairs, and rhythm instruments as accessories. And it changed their circle of friends and their lives.

Well, today they've moved into a new category. They're empty nesters and want to bring their home around to meeting their current life. Both of them had read the book cover to cover (some of the process is new!) and done all the exercises. We went through with the interpretations and moved on to what to do with the house now to bring it up to today. It was great fun! We talked about lots of things, things like making the living room into a library by putting a big table in front of the fireplace, bookshelves around, chairs at either side of what used to be the dining room table. It can be used for dining when need be because the dining room is now going to house the grand piano! On and on. It was such an amazing appointment and so full of rejuvenation and transformation!

The cherry on top was them showing me the gardens and pool they had done with a pool person, using my process, about 9 years ago. It was superb with stone patios, a kidney shaped pool, a stone elevated hot tub that's used all year round with a spill that creates a waterfall into the pool, steps down to the pool, and gardens all around. It used to be a dry hard flat piece of property. Now it’s sumptuous, elegant and fits right into the land.

This couple is not hugely affluent. Instead they're just really creative and attentive to growth and transformation. We addressed the entire house. Much will change, and some things will stay the same. But the only things that will stay the same are the things that are working for them now... like the kitchen where they easily cook together, the breakfast area except that we're dropping a ceiling fixture over the table to warm it up, and his sound room where he creates CDs with a music therapist/friend except we'll add a sofa. We may not buy one new piece of furniture. Instead we're shifting and shaking it up and then redistributing. It's very exciting. My hat is off to them.

Interior Design is changing!

This past weekend I went to Santa Fe, New Mexico (lucky me!) to attend a retreat for designers. It was held at a wonderful spa (Bishop's Lodge) nestled in the foothills surrounding Santa Fe. The weather was incredible, but the information surpassed it.

As you well know if you've read my book, my thesis is for the design of the home to come from within and to be supportive of the human spirit. This means forgetting the trends and specified styles and creating a home that is filled with what you love, need and want.

Well, the retreat was based on this material. It was assisting designers to have a deeper relationship with the client, observing their clients more closely, understanding their needs and wants and then asking better questions as they processed. It also was based on environmental psychology. Much of my book was written from these concepts, but the speakers updated me, and also brought the concept to all the designers there. The material was so well received.

This is a wonderful sign. It means homes will be connected to the needs of the inhabitants. It means design is becoming more compassionate, earthy, and sensitive to life. It means Interior design is going to support life in a healthier way. Hurray!

My hat is off to all designers who attended. This is a great new interface to our art, and a positive sign that the client is more important than the architecture or the fashion trend. (Actually architecture needs to come from this same premise!) It's also an indicator that homes and public spaces will become softer, friendlier, and more human.

Now all of us need to get better at using this great reality. People creating homes need to get better at knowing who they are and what they need and want. They also need to create healthy partnerships with designers who will work from this premise. Designers need to get better at deep interviewing and then transforming a client's important loves, needs and wants into powerful and beautiful spaces. The end product will be healthier design, more individual happiness, identity, safety and comfort, and all of us living more inspired lives. Fantastic.

It's Happening!

The universe is at work! I have had two more communications from women interested in interior design who have believed as I have for years, that the home is sacred and must be created from what we love and what inspires us. One has graduated from Drexel and her master's thesis was on designing from what the client loves. The other is a woman who has believed this in her heart for years and has, at the wonderful age of 58, entered a design school.

This is so exciting to me. Both of these women conjured these beliefs from their own contemplation, and from looking at the state of design today where the client's loves are ignored and trends prevail. Both have expressed to me great feelings about this and how home needs to be a sanctuary that holds what inspires its inhabitants.

I know there are more of us out there. We must persist. We're on an exciting cutting edge that promises homes to our clients that are so personal, so healing, because they come from within. I believe as homes become healing spaces, more humans will be comfortable on the planet. That has to lead to some kind of new and wonderful peace.

One of the women spoke about my book literally flying into her hands in a bookstore. We've all had that experience when something that the Universe wants us to see is put before us quite significantly. She was so excited that she bought four right then!

Well, these two women have made my week. I can't wait to hear from others. We need clients to understand this concept so they go within and choose from who they are. And we need designers who work with their clients to make this happen. So be it!

The Great Gardener

One morning this spring I got up and decided to take a walk. My first turn was around my property and a stop at the stream. Pow, I was blown away by the sight. Mock orange bushes were in full bloom up and down both sides for at least 2 city blocks! There was a wonderful amount of water in the stream so the reflection aspect was mind blowing.

A few dead branches and overgrown bushes were marring the sight, so I decided to garden at the stream! I ran for my boots, small saw clippers and gloves. The results were magnificent. Just a few snips, sawing down one small tree and cleaning dead leaves that had jammed in a past storm produced a picture perfect garden worthy of any tour. It looked gorgeous.

I was entertaining that night, so I quickly went to the phone and called my guests. Bring your boots, I said! Drinks in the stream. Well, they did and it was such a hoot, a tremendous success. I’d found a new room and decorated it in minutes. A miracle created by a much Greater Gardner than myself.

Happiness in Time

Hi Everybody! Am just finishing the articles in Time, January 17, 2005. The theme is Happiness and the articles are fascinating. It really deserves the time to read it.

The issue really points up the importance of the home, family, relationships, and how we connect to others.

It also talks at length about being in the moment. I could go on and on. But it you would be rewarded more to check out the article yourself!

A Move to Tuscany

I met with a client recently who had been a student in my design workshops years ago. She had purchased my book, "What Color Is Your Slipcover?" and totally done the process. We met today to review architectural plans for her new house. Her changes since fifteen years ago were huge. When the class met in her home it was highly contemporary with a very high ceiling, lots of glass, white walls, and white and black marble kitchen floors. Today, her picture journal presented Tuscany styles, strong colors, arched doorways and windows, wood floors etc. etc. etc. There was a huge swing toward her feminine side. The process of the book helped her figure it all out. She knows exactly what she wants in her new design.

It was worth the commitment.

Tipping Point

I have just finished "The Tipping Point" by Malcolm Gladwell. It is a wonderful book that has been on the New York Best Seller List for quite awhile.

In the book Malcolm talks about the problem crime rate in New York City and how they dealt with it through the environment of the subway system. It is an amazing story and one that doesn’t surprise me. It may serve you in understanding the importance of environment in terms of the home. I hope you’ll take a look

Great Innovation

I met with a builder and his clients today to consider moving forward with plans for renovation. Surprisingly they had realized that they don’t presently use their existing space efficiently. So instead of adding square footage, they’re redesigning the almost dead living room and dining room spaces along with some changes to the kitchen and family room.

This is great innovation that stops the waste of adding new space that leaves the existing house unused. I see it happen over and over again.

Love, Denny

A Birthday Ritual With Friends

A Birthday Ritual With Friends

I have a wonderful support group consisting of five women. We call ourselves The Wise Women. We’re not always that wise, but it feels good to name ourselves that way.

We have dinner together about two times a month. Each of us takes a turn at cooking, so we get to look forward to a dinner party every other week, and we don’t need to bring a thing. It’s the best. When it's someone's turn, each seems to plan and cook their meal with such love and care.

Part of the evening is a check-in. This means that each person shares what is going on with them in their life right now. No one judges or advises during this time. We share our intimate thoughts without anyone criticizing. We also meditate together for about 30 minutes. This always ends up being very powerful for me.

Birthdays in the group have usually been celebrated by a special dessert and gifts from everyone. This year as my birthday was approaching I got very clear that the gifts were no longer meaningful for me. I’m tired of stuff. I’m trying to give some of what I do own away. I asked the group if we might forget the gifts, and instead share in a ritual of my design. They all agreed, and even seemed relieved that the gift giving might end.

I began to imagine what kind of ritual I would want. Since most of the women are quite psychic and healers a very typical ritual would be the laying on of hands with some special music and words. This occurred to me as my possibility, but the idea soon gave way to something more meaningful, at least at this time in my life.

I am finding that connecting to others with very intimate conversation and sharing is at the top of my list. I value when a friend shares a deep feeling, or a profound realization about themselves. Realizing that “sharing” was such a priority I decided to base my birthday ritual on exactly that.

I knew I would want candlelight and incense to create a nice environment. Then I decided to give each friend a yellow rose which is for em a spiritual symbol of caring and love. Certainly, I decided, a toast with champagne would be appropriate too. But I chose that the main focus of the ritual be a series of questions that I would ask each of my friends. The answers helped create a wonderful hour of revelation into who each one of us is. Some things were shared that might never have come out any other way but by this questioning.

The questions went like this:

What is your greatest fear?
What has been your greatest success?
What was your most embarrassing moment?
What is your greatest hope?
What advice would you give a young person today?
What’s your best feature?
What do other’s like about you?
What’s the smartest thing you ever did?
What was your biggest mistake?

And on and on. If you might decide to do this, you can make up your own questions to fit your group. But just know that the time that is spent in sharing these answers brings you closer individually and nurtures the complete group. I am so grateful that my friends were open to this new kind of celebration for us. And I’m so happy that I had the courage to break with tradition. It truly was a gift to myself.

My women friends are so precious to me. They sustain and support me in ways that are constant and deep. Thanks be. And Happy Birthday to me!

A Love Story

I’m realizing that in this time that we’re all living, heart decisions are so difficult. We’re faced with economical choices, unknowns, codes, personality issues, and physical limitations. It’s so hard to choose from the heart. How do we keep smiling, How do we find joy? How do we move forward?

I was wondering this last evening as I sat at a window in a restaurant having dinner with a friend. On a lower level outside the window was a cafe. The scene was like a movie going on before us.

I could tell you quite a few stories from those moments, but the one that stole my heart was happening at the edge of the cafe. Sitting at a small round table was a handsome gentleman, white hair and moustache, lean body, and a kind face. He seemed very relaxed as he enjoyed his Guinness.

Not facing me was his companion...sitting in a wheelchair. I could not tell whether the person was a woman, a child, a man, but I could tell that the white haired gentleman felt very close to whomever he was with. I saw her stir and knew it was a woman.

Slowly he picked up another glass, a Manhattan and reached it to her lips. It apparently wasn’t easy and took patience. He carefully lifted a napkin to help catch any liquid that didn’t get into her mouth. Soft dabs as he made soft/silent movements of his mouth. His hand gently smoothing her hair, fixing her cover, and then going back to enjoying his ale.

I was mesmerized. I knew I was watching a great love story, such patience, such peaceful commitment. Tenderness just plowed right through me. Immediately it came to my mind what this scene could look like with other choices, the hospital bed, the medicinal smells, the big equipment. Perhaps that’s what they return to, but none of it was there. Instead there was a treasured Manhattan, a Guinness, a Sycamore tree decorated with colorful balls glistening in the setting sun and their evening experience. I was witnessing creativity at its finest, compassion at its deepest, and love at its fullest.

Finally cocktail time was over. He made sure she was all set and comfortable, left some bills, and pushed the wheelchair toward the exit. Their evening party was over. Their picnic on the small plaza. Their heaven on earth / within all limitations. I blessed them both and gave thanks for my seat at that window.