This is so important!
I am just back in Pennsylvania from a trip to California and up into Malibu where my son and daughter-in-law have just bought a magnificent home overlooking the Pacific. We had many long conversations about the inner space of that home and it re-ignited that fire in me about how important it is to each have input/a voice into the process of design of the home!
When we were discussing how they were going to approach their spaces I could hear/see differences in their individual needs/preferences. One was liking it cooler and simpler, the other warmer and a bit more complex. But they have heard me enough to know they must find their consensus in order to begin. They will be working with a designer in California, so they now need to find their words, their common ground to be able to communicate to this professional just what it is they as individuals and they as a couple want. This will allow each of them on a daily basis to resonate deeply with their surroundings, their HOME.
We bought them piles of magazines. They will each go through them individually cutting out all the images, colors, shapes, essences that make them feel SO GOOD! (See the chapter on “Finding Your Common Ground” in my book). Then they’ll exchange their pile of selections and each go through the other’s collection of favorites. They’ll extract from each other’s pile their individual favorites again. Now they’ve created a third pile, which is their consensus. That third pile of pictures is their key to both of them loving their home.”.
To use this process they must take careful note of just what it is they like AND WHAT THE OTHER IS LIKING! They need to talk about what their current life is, and how they need to orient and organize their space to fit that lifestyle. If quality time is spent doing this work and seeing all the characteristics, talking about them, and understanding them, then they’ll be able to talk to their professional in a more profound way. Then he/she can transpose it all onto to the space of their beloved cocoon, and it will guarantee surroundings that represent both of them, deeply. When they open the door from a long day out in the external world, the nest will welcome each of them on the heart level and bring them solace and joy.
As we spoke I could clearly see the metaphor. If two persons can come together and find their agreement, the oneness that does live in both, they will have found the place from which they can live their life together with profound compassion and understanding. If countries, states, communities can do this also, then we all will feel at home on the planet and be able to live in total compassion and understanding of each other.
When one or the other suppresses who they truly are, or ignores their truths, then intimacy, knowing, possibility and true transparency is lost, and equality and balance are not possible. Do the work! Take the time! Bring your hearts and your souls to the table of dialogue, respect what each wants and needs so the intention for happiness and peace while living together has much more possibility. You’ll be teaching everyone on the planet how to live together.
