In the Face of Grief

Sixty years of marriage, very little time apart, and the onset of a new life through the death of the partner, is HUGE. My friend Rene called me from Iowa. The days of waiting and praying had helped her father move on gracefully. Now helping her Mom know where to start a new and single life with alivness and interest was the focus that Rene was holding Sacred.
There was a homestead that Mom could return to. There was also the room that her parents had shared at an assisted living establishment. The question was which would Mom choose. Rene hoped her choice would be to remain where she'd been for the last three years for it seemed more manageable. Her mom seemed to be leaning that way also.
The reason I'm sharing this in a blog is some of the ways to deal with her mom's situation proved to be environmental. As Rene and her Mom addressed the issue her mom made definite references to the lack of warmth in the small apartment. In response, Rene talked about the possibilities of replacing the dark green carpet to a warmer beige that Mom said she liked, and perhaps changing the drapes. She also suggested some rearrangment to make the small eating area pleasant. This seemed to perk up mom's interest.
As these ideas were discussed with other member's of the family the ideas were met with comments such as, "This rug is fine. It's almost brand new." etc. These responses do not honor or recognize the importance of how a person is feeling about their space, or that there may be a real personal need for new possibilities. Talking about them is the first gift of caring. Knowing they're significance and helping to make it happen is truly an act of love.
Items with memories, furniture placed in ways that support the way we like to move or relax, pictures that hold images that are special to us such as flowers, landscapes, waterscapes, will greatly assist us in feeling our own harmony with life. Rene's wisdom in taking the time to deal with Mom's environment will guarantee her movement into new life with more ease than not. Having the space transform has so many messages, and probably the most important one is that life is not over and is worth living from a place of depth and hope..
Grieving is assisted by change on all levels, and especially on the level of our own living space.Helping an elderly parent accomplish this helps their life and yours! Helping them remember the life you all had together and seeking new possibilities also, moves everyone along the path to rebirth. Every moment on the planet deserves fullness, hope, and joy, for everyone, and an elderly parent just may need assistance in getting there.
Hats off to Rene.