A Birthday Ritual With Friends

A Birthday Ritual With Friends

I have a wonderful support group consisting of five women. We call ourselves The Wise Women. We’re not always that wise, but it feels good to name ourselves that way.

We have dinner together about two times a month. Each of us takes a turn at cooking, so we get to look forward to a dinner party every other week, and we don’t need to bring a thing. It’s the best. When it's someone's turn, each seems to plan and cook their meal with such love and care.

Part of the evening is a check-in. This means that each person shares what is going on with them in their life right now. No one judges or advises during this time. We share our intimate thoughts without anyone criticizing. We also meditate together for about 30 minutes. This always ends up being very powerful for me.

Birthdays in the group have usually been celebrated by a special dessert and gifts from everyone. This year as my birthday was approaching I got very clear that the gifts were no longer meaningful for me. I’m tired of stuff. I’m trying to give some of what I do own away. I asked the group if we might forget the gifts, and instead share in a ritual of my design. They all agreed, and even seemed relieved that the gift giving might end.

I began to imagine what kind of ritual I would want. Since most of the women are quite psychic and healers a very typical ritual would be the laying on of hands with some special music and words. This occurred to me as my possibility, but the idea soon gave way to something more meaningful, at least at this time in my life.

I am finding that connecting to others with very intimate conversation and sharing is at the top of my list. I value when a friend shares a deep feeling, or a profound realization about themselves. Realizing that “sharing” was such a priority I decided to base my birthday ritual on exactly that.

I knew I would want candlelight and incense to create a nice environment. Then I decided to give each friend a yellow rose which is for em a spiritual symbol of caring and love. Certainly, I decided, a toast with champagne would be appropriate too. But I chose that the main focus of the ritual be a series of questions that I would ask each of my friends. The answers helped create a wonderful hour of revelation into who each one of us is. Some things were shared that might never have come out any other way but by this questioning.

The questions went like this:

What is your greatest fear?
What has been your greatest success?
What was your most embarrassing moment?
What is your greatest hope?
What advice would you give a young person today?
What’s your best feature?
What do other’s like about you?
What’s the smartest thing you ever did?
What was your biggest mistake?

And on and on. If you might decide to do this, you can make up your own questions to fit your group. But just know that the time that is spent in sharing these answers brings you closer individually and nurtures the complete group. I am so grateful that my friends were open to this new kind of celebration for us. And I’m so happy that I had the courage to break with tradition. It truly was a gift to myself.

My women friends are so precious to me. They sustain and support me in ways that are constant and deep. Thanks be. And Happy Birthday to me!